Proust

I just finished reading How Proust Can Change Your Life by Alain de Botton. It was worth reading - although I don't think it changed my life. (Thanks Mara!)

I can imagine de Botton writing this as a thesis or dissertation concluding an intensive study of Marcel Proust. Reading it made me feel academic. And I enjoyed his use of the word "mustachioed" (which surprisingly is accepted by my spell checker - I always though "moustached" would be the proper term). I think that the title and chapter headings ("How to...") were assigned with a degree of sarcasm, because although the book is described as an intelligent self-help book, it reads more like a rambling discussion of Proust and his interaction with these topics (reading, suffering, friendship, love) than clear advice for a changed life.

The theme seems to be: Don't take things for granted. Notice and appreciate the little things, the common things that surround you.

Proust seems like a high-maintenance, whiny kind of person throughout most of this book. I was surprised to eventually read that he was well liked by his many friends. One person said of him, "He was the best of listeners. Even in his intimate circles his constant care to be modest and polite prevented him from pushing himself forward and from imposing subjects of conversation. These he found in others' thoughts. Sometimes he spoke about sport and motor-cars and showed a touching desire for information. He took an interest in you, instead of trying to make you interested in himself." (pages 106-7) I admire that.

I agreed less with some of his other thoughts on friendship, however, which made this section of the book very interesting to me.
Proust was challenging all the more exalted claims made on friendship's behalf. Principal among these is the claim that our friends afford us a chance to express our deepest selves, and that the conversations we have with them are a privileged forum in which to say what we really think and, by extension and with no mystical allusion, be who we really are.(page 109)
He didn't believe that was true. I do. Not that I think it is always that way with all friends; rather, you have moments with some friends where your true self shows its depth, amid many ordinary times together. De Botton argues that as a medium for self-expression, conversation is much too limited for revealing our deepest selves, especially in comparison with writing. (Thus, we are often disappointed when meeting authors of outstanding works.) It also seems that Proust felt that friendship was not an appropriate outlet for our honest thoughts since many of those thoughts may be less than complimentary and have our friend as the subject. As a result, Proust tended to hide his thoughts, focus on his friend's interests, and merely seek warmth and affection in friendship. I don't think that honest disclosure of every thought is required, but I do think that an outlet for honest expression regarding some matters is valuable.

He also has interesting thoughts to share on the subject of books and reading. We recognize our thoughts, lives, and acquaintances in what we read. We can find in books a mirror of ourselves, and authors can often articulate ideas we have sensed but never been able to put into words. However, we must be careful to continue to do our own thinking, and not just rely on others to feed us our opinions. He also cautions against ignoring the spirit of a book in an obsession over its details.

After reading How Proust Can Change Your Life, I don't feel motivated to read Proust's In Search of Lost Time. I would, however, be interested in reading more by Alain de Botton. And I want to try madeleines.